Jan 15

Jan 15 when authenticity meets vulnerability

Hello Loves,

The other day I was providing support to a close friend & while talking, she said “You are really impressing me recently… your confidence and maturity are so different. I love this version of you.”

This person who said this to me is someone who has been all versions of me over the course of many years. She has seen me through the best of times and the worst of times - she is someone who understands my heart inside and out.

When she said this to me, I took time to reflect on pieces of me have built me up to this new version of myself.. the version who has confidence and courage. The path to confidence was a windy road full of ways to learn self-love through authenticity and vulnerability.

A few years ago when I was struggling with setting boundaries in my life, a friend of mine recommended I discover Brene Brown’s teaching on self-love. She recommended the book ‘Dare to Lead’ where I first learnt the importance of vulnerability - why this is the key to truly accessing courage.

“Vulnerability is not weakness; it's our greatest measure of courage.”

Dare to Lead woke me up to the lack of boundaries I had in my life - I was constantly making myself available for people or situations that were not in my best interest which was leading to a continual plummet in self-confidence and self-love. The book taught me to instill vulnerability and empathy in who I am and how I chose to lead myself in this life - the book forever changed how I approached myself, my relationships, and my intentions.

Outside of Brene’s best selling books & podcast, she also has a successful TedTalk on the power of authenticity where she teaches you the importance of living everyday genuinely:

“Authenticity is a collection of choices that we have to make every day. It's about the choice to show up and be real. The choice to be honest. The choice to let our true selves be seen.”

When working to find confidence - you must first work on vulnerability and authenticity. These two traits are what helps unlock the opportunity for courage. From courage, you find self love. From self-love, you find confidence. It’s a compounding effect - these qualities are the levels you first need to achieve to get you to that next level of being where you can find your peace, your love, and your overall happiness.

For those struggling with finding confidence, know you aren’t alone. I struggled for many years to show up authentically as the person I was meant to be. I had to take time to study myself, understanding the gaps in where I needed to lean in so I could eventually become the person I wanted to be & find the inner peace I had been striving to obtain.

I fully admit, I was fearful of practicing vulnerability and authenticity - I would constantly overthink situations in my mind before ever acting on them, always leading myself to the worst possible scenerio so that I convinced myself it wasn’t worth being vulnerable… so I could avoid the pain of rejection or feelings of hurt in my life.

Eventually I came to a point in my life where I had to learn that there is no trust in control & that truly this famous quote was right:

"Everything you want is on the other side of fear.”

Once I leaned into my fears & leaned into letting go of control and trusting the advice of Brene Brown - I started practicing vulnerability and showing up authentically in my life. Whether it was becoming more vocal in team meetings at work, taking tennis lessons after I hadn’t played for ten years, or even going on dates, I tried every way I could to be authentic with myself and vulnerable around others.

Just like working out in a gym and building muscle, the more I practiced these traits, the more courageous I became. That courage lead to my self-respect & my self-love. Once I learnt to truly love myself, flaws and all, I tapped into my confidence that had been hiding deep inside of me. I finally found it once I had taken the time to work on the compounding traits - all which I used every single day.

If you’re focused on finding your confidence this year, I urge you to start working on your vulnerability and authenticity. To work on your authenticity, I would advise first using Brene Brown’s Value Map resource to better understand what are your core values. Once you understand your values, work to show up authentically in these areas of your life. If you don’t currently possess those values but want to work towards them, allow yourself to be vulnerable to obtain them.

Let’s say a value you want to work on is ‘giving back’ more but don’t know how? Be vulnerable and learn ways to volunteer locally or virtually… volunteermatch.org is a great resource! This list can be a guiding path on areas to show up more authentically in your life or areas to practice vulnerability.

To summarize, William Jennings Bryans says it best…