don't settle darling

Hello Loves,

If there is one thing I would want to tell my younger self, it would be simply: don’t settle.

Don’t settle for that job you aren’t happy with, don’t settle with that relationship you aren’t happy with, don’t settle with that lifestyle you aren’t happy with. Simply - don’t settle for what isn’t bringing you joy in your life.

Looking back on my experiences, I know I settled for short term joy & short term rewards. I settled in many situations where I devalued myself to "‘reward’ myself with what I thought would bring happiness. In the long term, that short term happiness only created more problems and chaos in my life.

I traded short term happiness for long term problems - whether it was being stuck in a job that provided financial stability but emotional term oil or being trapped to a relationship that provided basic companionship but lacked emotional support. I ended up devaluing myself in many situations just to obtain short term contentment that never truly led to what I was seeking.

When you are faced with a decision that you may be struggling with, ask yourself:

“Will this really make you happy or just comfortable?”

When making decisions, these are two areas we tend to factor into the decision - will the choice either make us happy or will it make us comfortable? Being comfortable does not cultivate growth and being happy means you may be uncomfortable. Think back on the bigger moments in your life - where those moments that were caused by being comfortable?

For me, most of my greatest achievements and accomplishments were during moments of discomfort. To progress in my career, I had to move roles/companies/industries and at time, I even had to move locations. My first big opportunity in tech moved me from Minneapolis to Salt Lake City & that was not an easy move. I moved for an advancement in my career but I moved to a state where I did not have a social network. That move was uncomfortable but that discomfort caused me to grow out of my comfort zone.

By leaving my comfort zone, I ended up progressing my career from Silicon Slopes to Silicon Valley - now working at a top Fortune 100 company in their top enterprise division. Over the course of that seven year progression, I decided against leaning into short term comfort in order to obtain long term happiness.

During this time, I chose not to settle for situations that were not in the best interest of the goals and future I had envisioned for myself - I stayed true to the idea of where I wanted to go & who I wanted to be. A quote that resonated with me during this time in my career was:

“Life begins outside your comfort zone.”

Once you have the courage to continue down the path of discomfort - you will find the path was worth taking. Once you decide not to settle for things that aren’t serving you, I promise you that you will be rewarded.

If I could go back to my younger self, I would tell her not to settle. Don’t settle for the friend group that doesn’t uplift you just because you wanted ‘community’. Don’t settle for the relationship that hurts you just because you wanted ‘companionship’. Don’t settle for silencing yourself just because you don’t want to ‘upset anyone.’ Stop putting your happiness on pause just to make other people more comfortable.

I didn’t learn to change my behaviors until I had worked on my my confidence and courage - as discussed in the previous post. Once I had worked on my self-love and found my confidence, I awoke myself to the fact I had been settling in so many areas of my life just to make others happy and that was only leading to my unhappiness.

“Know who you are. Know what you want. Know what you deserve. And don’t settle for less.”

Truly the moment I starting knowing who I was & confidently expressing what I wanted - my life started to change and the option to settle suppressed itself. When evaluating decisions, I stopped considering options to settle and instead had the strength to chose the option that would hold some discomfort knowing those choices would lead to long term happiness.

So next time you are faced with a decision - ask yourself will this really make me happy or will this make me comfortable?